Forcing myself to write this while I still remember what I do, though it is very hard to condense everything into words. I will try for the sake of future reference.
I had a pleasurable pregnancy, and spent the final months preparing myself mentally and physically for the pain of labour. I knew to expect the worst pain and all the birth stories I had been told and read gave me a wide perspective of variance. We had planned for a homebirth all along, but our midwives told us that high blood pressure would make us have to use the hospital. I was lucky and stayed calm right until the end, so got my homebirth. It wasn't really as I expected, but all is well that ends well.
1st stage:
I started having rushes on friday. I call them rushes, in honour of Ina May, because the first two days were gentle rushes across my belly. They did feel like energy being pumped into me to prepare me for the trials ahead. They were on and off through those first 3 days, at nights getting much stronger and faster, during the day sometimes stopping for an hour or more. I could sleep through them. On Saturday we went to ManWomans house and he painted my belly to bless you, Baby, and to tell me some things about parenthood. Saturday night things got pretty serious and I thought this is it! They were coming every 5-10 minutes. Your dad got up with me at about 4am, and asked if I would like a bath. He ran the bath and I soaked for a while, and the rushes wavered off. After we ate something things had pretty much stopped and I slept in late.
Sunday was the same, mellow all day and then getting really strong at night. I would say contractions started sunday night. I would have to jump out of bed for every one, because I couldn't take them lying down. I would lean against the wall and undulate my hips, streching out my back. I actually slept between them, but would awake with full focus every 5-10 minutes. We started writing down the times of them, just for something to focus on. And at about 5:30 during a strong one I suddenly felt water rush out between my legs! I caught it with my hand, and though I was expecting a big sploosh, that was it. I was pretty sure my water broke so your dad called the midwives. Then him and my mom started getting things ready in the living room. They brought the futon mattress down and put the shower curtains on, between the sheets, about 3 each alternating. Carolyn told me to hang in there and she should be in around 7:30. I think she showed up about 8:30 and immediately ordered me to lay in bed and get some rest, and she would come back in 3 hours. I took about 10 strong contractions lying down on our bed and couldn't handle that anymore. I started standing for each one again, not like I could sleep anyways! When she came back things started getting even more intense and I wandered around trying my best to relax more and more with each one.
2nd stage:
I was hanging off the bathroom door and leaning against all the walls. Lots of show was coming out, and it dripped around in the bathroom. I stayed in there alot because it was nice to sit on the toilet too. I was in bed when the pushing started, just about to jump up for a strong contraction when my womb just seemed to contract a few times, it was pushing! all by itself! I rushed to the toilet and sat down, and sure enough the next one caused some solid pushes too! I was grunting and breathing hard, very excited and not used to what was happening. I kneeled on the futon in the living room and got right into it. Carolyn and a nurse from the hospital, Jessica, were there helping me. My mom was also there, being quiet and observing, just like Denni. And your Dads mom was in the kitchen, just quietly being there. Your Dad sat behind me and held me through the contractions, he kept telling me positive things like "you are so brave" and "you are so strong, I love you so much". Jane, the main midwife, showed up at some point and was doing yoga and meditating at the foot of the bed. I pushed for about 2 hours, it was very hard work and I would moan low and deep with each session. Between each one, I would rest and drink something or chat a little bit. Carolyn was stretching me and massaging me with olive oil, her and Jessica were very encouraging and positive. I knew Carolyn had no kids, and I thought Jessica probably didn't either, as she looks super young (about 20). I later found out she is 31 and has 3 kids! For some reason whether they have kids or not effects my confidence in them alot. Jane, for instance has seven kids and I had really hoped she would be delivering, but she let Carolyn be in charge. Her energy was very strong, and at times I could tune into it- I knew it was a great source that I could draw upon should I need it. I kept telling myself "It could still get much worse" and that made the pain bearable. I could honestly say I was doing OK when they asked, and they did, it really was not too bad. I'll never forget when they said they saw your head, and made me feel it. It was still quite a ways in, but I could definitely feel it. Soft and small as it was, I later found out how heads cone up to fit through. Your head felt tiny and soft, yet it was stretching me quite a bit. They told me to feel around the edges, and I felt your skull which was quite a bit bigger, and hard thankfully. I wondered how I would ever get it out. That is when I began to draw on my sources, the last 10 or 20 pushes and contractions were extremely focused for me. I became that primal animal that must birth its child. My breath and voice really gave me power and I somehow balanced forcing you down and out with relaxing the birth canal and my yoni to let you out easily. Suddenly they were telling me you were right there, and you were!! With each push I would make progress, and you would slide back in a little in the break. Finally it was time to go, I wondered briefly if I would rip terribly- and I did feel the ring of fire. It was such a completely sheer and biting pain I cannot say it wasn't ecstacy; just knowing thats what it takes to get you here.... that and ........that and ......that forevermore. With a slippery gush they pulled out your body and all exclaimed loudly "there she is!" "its a girl!" "way to go!" "oh my goodness!" and so on, so I said "shhhh!", so you my poor tiny being would not be too startled by this new world of yours. They laid you on my belly on a towel and quickly scrubbed you clean. Then they laid you on my naked breast, and we looked at you in awe while Denni snapped a few pictures. You gave the tiniest little cry and then just looked around at everyone. Every bit of you was tiny and perfect, and I knew what all of my life had been for. Within 10 minutes you had already latched on and begun to nurse from me, and we were friends.
3rd stage:
I beleive I was nursing you when this started.
At some point I remember someone saying, "Lets give her some slack on this" and pulling the umbilical cord a little bit. I didn't register it at the time, but I am sure this is a no-no. Carolyn said, if you feel like pushing just go ahead. I just wanted to enjoy my girl for a bit. But suddenly a big gush of blood came out and Carolyn started pushing my belly and telling me to push! push!
I handed you to Dad, and got to work delivering that placenta. They made me squat and cough, and cough. So much blood was coming out at this point, and Jane had gotten her rubber gloves on and was right there now. They hooked me up to an IV drip, which hurt my hand alot (the searching needle), and administered oxytocin to get my uterus working. Lots of stuff was coming out, but I couldn't push hard enough. Jane said I'm going to have to go in, and with the the most excruciating pain as she put her hand inside and scooped everything out. The first time I nearly passed out, and they were about to call 911- so I said I'd be ok, even tho it was the worst. She did that three times, at the end saying that should be it. I had soaked several towels and had to snooze for a while I was so woozey.
We didn't realize until later that I had ripped, twice laterally. They weren't too bad and I didn't get any stitches. And best of all I didn't have to go to the hospital! You were born right here on our living room floor, and Dad and I slept there by you that first night.
So that was how I got you darling daughter, and how time has accelerated from that moment forward.
